My yoke is easy and My burden is light

Let me give you a little preface before you start reading my innermost thoughts :) I’m not a writer, writing is actually one of the most difficult things for me to do (just ask my sweet sister who patiently coached me through writing my support letter :) I really am capable of forming logical, coherent thoughts, but if I have to put them on to paper, it becomes a painful ordeal involving a lot of procrastination. That being said, I really am going to try to post here regularly, even if my mom and Katherine and Kati are the only people who are actually interested in what I have to say :) So here it is!

Now that our trip is quickly approaching, my anxiety and worry has started to go up. I’m worried about getting all my work done that needs to get done before I leave, about not forgetting anything when I pack, about accomplishing all my goals while I’m in Uganda, anddd about how I will eat the same meal twice a day for a month straight :)

When I have anxiety in my life - when there’s work to be done, or something that needs to be fixed - my tendency is to start striving – making endless to-do lists , putting pressure on myself to get it all done, and to do it all just right. I wind myself up so tightly thinking about all that needs to be done, I get to the point where I’m completely overwhelmed and paralyzed to actually do any of it. This always culminates in me crying out to Jesus, usually literally crying all the way through worship on a Sunday morning.

I think to myself, “I can’t do this. It’s too much work. I’ll never get it done and if I do, it won’t be done right.” Fortunately, the Lord is patient and gracious and time and time again He says to me, “Caitlin, why are you navel-gazing? Why do you look to yourself? You’re right, you can’t do it. It’s too much work for you. Why do you think your striving and worrying will accomplish anything for My kingdom? You have to lean on Me, trust Me, seek Me. You know that My yoke is easy and My burden is light…”

So that’s where I’m at now – giving up the fight against myself and giving it over to Jesus. It makes me think of a line from one of my most favorite hymns, In Christ Alone –

“What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease,
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand”

I don’t think I’ll ever understand it, but I’m always amazed at how one of these mini-revelations, this little shift in my way of thinking can totally alter my work. I got home from church yesterday and I had the motivation to really get things done, to do research, get things organized, send out emails, make phone calls, to actually accomplish a lot in a short amount of time, and all with a quiet and peaceful spirit. So eyalama Yesu – thank you Jesus – for giving rest to my weary soul!

Caitlin